Is there anything more annoying than a whistler in your midst? Hummers are also hard to take, but whistlers are much worse. They disrupt your thought patterns, making it impossible to focus on anything but their self-indulgent noise-making. Every time I hear someone whistling, I’m tempted to say in a loud voice to anyone near me, “That reminds me — have you heard the joke about the whistling asshole?”
Which do you think is more offensive, a person who purports to whistle a recognizable tune, or one who makes spastic whistling noises without any obvious attempt to sound out a tune? It’s a tough choice, but I prefer the tuneless whistler. Those who whistle Jingle Bells or Whistle While You Work or Michael Row Your Boat Ashore should be summarily imprisoned in a dark dungeon without the benefit of a trial by jury. Once you’ve heard someone commit this whistling felony in public, you cannot get the damned tune out of your head.